Jrpoulter’s Weblog

Just another WordPress.com weblog

Weirdly wacky wordage no. 10 – Laddy McLaird – images by Stephen King

Scottish Lad by Stephen King

Scottish Lad by Stephen King

Laddy McLaird, a grim, ghastly tale wi’ a beard!

by J.R.Poulter 08

Fair Laddy McLaird was the baddest o bairns

Ever born in the Valley o Bones

A wild wicked child with the tricks and the wiles

Of many a blackguard full grown!

xxxx######xxxx######

Though the Elders it seems were aware of his schemes,

They turned a blind eye till he bit Piper Skye

But what’s worst, Piper fell on his pipes,

The bag burst and by cripes

The Piping the Haggis was wrecked!

That was the last straw they declared Lad outlawed

Twas high time the boy learned respect!

xxxx######xxxx######

McKenna, McKanna, Auld Willy McGraw

The McCougalls, McDougalls and Curly McHaugh

Chased Laddy from town with staves and with staffs

And accompanied his exit with full bellied laughs!

xxxx######xxxx######

Now they’d chased Laddy down, right out of the town

Far, far from his home in the Valley o Bones.

Till they came to the loch, “G’won scram,!”

Lad could nay swim but had na mind to drown!”

Lad was a fast learner, with nary a murmur

He leapt in the loch and he swam!

xxxx######xxxx######

When he came to the shore

It was night cold and raw and off in the distance he saw

A light – twas a fire and as he drew nigher

He found a giant maggot frying fish over faggots

“Gimme some or I squish yer!!” he cried!

xxxx######xxxx######

The maggot was clever but terribly slow and so

So he moved like a lardy great blob.

Lad snatched up the fish and finished the dish

By emptying the lot down his gob!

“Oi Thar!” cried the Maggot emitting a sob,

It’s cold and I’m awfully famished”!

xxxx######xxxx######

“No worries!” sneered Lad, “you’re meal was na bad.

So yer won’t have to beg and be sorry!

Just get off yer flub, yer fat useless grub

And I won’t turn you into a curry!”

xxxx######xxxx######

Lad spent a quiet night by the faggot’s firelight

And cooked up the maggot for supper

There was plenty to eat and meat was quite sweet

For the maggot had plenty of blubber.

xxxx######xxxx######

The next morning Lad woke as the sun up and broke

Like an egg on the mountains above him.

He filled up a flagon and I’m never braggin’

His thirst was the size of Loch Ness!

Then he loaded what’s left of the maggot and faggots

Upon the poor larvae’s own wagon.

xxxx######xxxx######

About midday, about midway

Across the plain under the mountain

Lad thought he saw something that could be a bird

But as it came closer, proved much more absurd.

He shook his head in disbelief

And took a long pull on his flagon,

‘Twas never a bird the likes HE’d ever heard

But rather more like, well, a dragon!

xxxx######xxxx######

It soared down towards him. Our Lad got prepared.

But the closer it got, he could see what ‘twas not

And the weirder ‘n wilder ‘n worse it appeared!

There was one thing this dragon had lots!

xxxx######xxxx######

“Why it has na meat on it!

It’s naught but bare bones!

What harm can a thing do

That’s spare as the stones?”

xxxx######xxxx######

Lad stood his ground as the dragon flew down

But the closer it drew, this foul stench kinda grew.

The dragon breathed naught but foul air!

“What kind of a beast am I goin’ to defeat?

I want to be feared for the warfare I wage

For my cunning and cruelty and terrible rage!

This joke of a monster’s not fair!”

xxxx######xxxx######

The dragon swooped on him, he thought he’d be sick

The odour was awful, it made the air thick!

It flung wide it jaws. Lad saw down its throat.

There was nothing but spareribs that’s worthy of note.

So he skewered the creature head down on a tree

Then proceeded to cook up the spareribs for tea!

xxxx######xxxx######

With all this strange food, young McLaird grew a beard

And figured he’d figure’s a figure much feared.

So he claimed dragon castle and won it’s fair maid

And headed for home with the loot he had made.

xxxx######xxxx######

Now the folk in the Valley had thought Lad was dead

Or at least that was what all the elders had said.

So when this strange stranger came thundering down

From the high mountain passes into their wee town

They voted him TOPS as the ugliest Scot

Ere to down a wee drop and made him the Laird o the Crofts.

Lad became legend! Just one wee thing peeved,

Not one of his tales of his feats were believed….

Dragon Bones by Stephen King

Dragon Bones by Stephen King

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: